i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
