And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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