I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
