you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
