Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
