My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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