barbara walters just said penis...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
