Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
