Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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