I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
