living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
