True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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