hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
