please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
