Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
