You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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