i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
