I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
