Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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