I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
