hotel room ftw
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
