Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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