You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
