i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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