So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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