you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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