i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
