I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize