u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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