you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
