he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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