What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
