smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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