Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I know her cup size but not her name....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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