So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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