Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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