so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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