Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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