Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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