we're blogging at a bar
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
