clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
