i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
