new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I smell like Dick and happiness
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
