we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
