HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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