apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
