Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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