He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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