worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
