nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
