First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
