I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
