I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
