Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
