i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
