I puked a lego.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
