Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
