I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
did i walk over a car last night?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
