I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
