Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
