quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize