I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
