What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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