There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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