just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
