you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
