I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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