you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Houston, we have a blender
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
