one might say we're banned from that church
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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