You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
