Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Terrible idea I love it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
