she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
