so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
