So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
from now on my penis is your penis
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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