Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
