So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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