I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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