I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
