My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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