You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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