hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
