Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize