wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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