he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
