That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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